Close Close
Mother and Baby

Things You Can Blame On Your Kids (Without Feeling Guilty)

As much as we love our kids sometimes they can provide the perfect ‘get out of jail’ card, from the reason for our tragic dress sense to that broken vase we haven’t quite been able to own up to…
Expand Image

The Mess:

The state of your house is appalling 24/7. Bits of lego litter the floor whilst plastic doll arms hide in every nook and cranny – and you’ve long forgotten the true colour of the carpet. If only they’d clean up after themselves…(pah, like that’d ever happen.)
Expand Image


You feel like you’re living off fish-fingers and steamed vegetables, but you can’t face slaving at the stove for any longer than you have to – so you’ve come to terms with eating like a toddler. On the plus side, at least steamed vegetables are healthier than Chinese take-aways and microwaveable meals…
Expand Image


A combination of sleepless nights and days spent chasing your children has left you feeling like a shadow of your former self. In an attempt to rejuvenate yourself, you spend every moment away from the kids napping.
Expand Image

Bad dress sense:

Long gone are the days of the LBD. More often than not , you look as if you’ve been dragged through a bush backwards. From baggy, stain-covered trakkies to Frozen-themed fancy dress, your fabulous fashion sense is not what it was. But not to worry. Thanks to your kids, your avant-garde style is well and truly pushing the boundaries of the fashion world…
Expand Image

Sex life:

Your sex life has been sapped of all the excitement, mystery and fun that marked your pre-baby years. Instead of getting jiggy, you’d now rather sit back with a cup of peppermint tea to a Coronation Street omnibus. Oh, how we long for the days when we had energy.
Expand Image

Your mood:

Ever found yourself in a situation where everything and everyone is grating on your very delicate nerves? From the man on the tube’s incessant coughing to someone else’s crying baby (ironic, right?), you’re on a constant knife’s edge. But at least you've got an excuse to do some therapeutic shopping.
Expand Image

Funny Smells:

This is a classic. Let’s just be honest, we’re all inclined to a bit of wind now and then; everyone does it, no matter hard they deny it. But with kids around, why take the blame? Just pin it on them. They’ll never know…*cue evil laugh*
Expand Image

Broken Stuff:

Much to your horror, you accidentally knock your partner’s iPad off the table when cleaning and crack the screen. Panic sets in. Rather than face your partner’s scorn, you make the calculated decision to blame it on the kids. He’ll never shout at them…they’re too cute and cuddly…
Related content:


No comments have been made yet.

Subscribe to Mother&Baby!

Be the best mum you can be and let Mother & Baby guide you along the way. Each issue is jam packed with REAL advice from mums just like you. Subscribe today & get a free welcome gift!

Win £1,000 of Carpetright vouchers
Win £1,000-worth of Carpetright vouchers!

Create a fantasy world on your floor with your baby for your chance to win £1,000-worth of Carpetright vouchers!

Win an Abeille cellular blanket from Hippychick
Win an Abeille cellular blanket from Hippychick

Abeille Cellular Blankets, available fromHippychick, are delectably soft, made from 100% cotton and now available in six super-stylish colours. Click for your chance to win!

Win a year’s supply of Blueiron liquid iron supplement
Win a year’s supply of Blueiron liquid iron supplement

Blueiron is Scandinavia’s fastest-growing liquid iron supplement and has already helped thousands of women low in iron during pregnancy, breastfeeding and those with intense fitness regimes. Click for your chance to win!

Win a bumper box of Kiddylicious Super Snacks
Win a bumper box of Kiddylicious Super Snacks

Made from quinoa, lentils and chickpeas, and packed with vegetable protein, Kiddylicious Super Snacks help to keep your little ones whizzing about. Click for your chance to win!

Ovulation Calculator
Ovulation calculator

Trying for a baby? Work out when you're most fertile to increase your chances of getting pregnant with our easy-to-use ovulation calculator.

Pregnant woman
Due Date Calculator

When is your baby due? If you’re having trouble remembering dates and counting up the days on your fingers and toes, don’t worry – use our due date calculator.

Get M&B in your inbox!

Sign up to Mother&Baby today and get news and advice about your body and your baby straight to your inbox every week.