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10 dumb things all new mums do

"Why am I here?"

From the minute we give birth, our brains go haywire and we start doing the strangest things. Welcome to the top 10 silly things all mums do.

Our bodies may have changed and we really could do with a few more hours sleep, but as mums, we’re still the same intelligent, sensible, rational women we were before kids, right Wrong! All mums have these top 10 silly things we've done in common. 

Forget who you are and what you’re doing

Why am I here? It’s a question we ask ourselves practically every day. And we’re not requesting an existential answer about life, the universe and everything. Simply, please, an explanation as to why we’ve arrived unexpectedly in a room with no idea why we are there.

Of course rationally, we know that a mere few seconds prior to arrival there must have been a thought process that went something along the lines of: I need X, therefore I must go to Y to get it. But, in the few short paces between here and there, we’ve entirely forgotten the purpose of the trip. Oh, mum brain. Will you ever return to the knowledgeable entity you were before kids?

Rocking baby to sleep, when baby’s not there

It’s easy to spot a new mum who’s out without her baby. And not for the reasons that might automatically spring to mind (dark circles, unbrushed hair, sick stain on shoulder etc). No, it’s the gentle swaying as she stands in the queue in the Post Office, the leaning from side to side, guarding her trolley at the check-out. We become so used to moving to soothe and comfort our babies, even when we’re out without them, try as we might, we’re physically unable to stop the rock.

Losing everything

A place for everything and everything in its place. That is, until you become a mum. Then everything in its place becomes everything should be in its place, because I’m sure that’s where I put it, but now I’ve got absolutely no idea where it is.

Weeping over everything

It’s just, sniff, so, sniff, sad! Thought you’re way too in control to cry at an advert? Tell that to your hormones. As soon as you become a mum, everything becomes a whole lot more emotional. And the annual Christmas ad-fest has us snuffling into hankies like we’ve wandered into an onion-chopping factory. Boots’ ‘Special Because’ ad with the night shift nurse, anyone? John Lewis’s Always a Woman or Monty the Penguin? Waaaaaaahh.

Spoon-feeding like a goldfish

And, open wide! Why is it we can’t put a spoonful of food in another human being’s mouth without involuntarily lip-syncing the action at the same time? 

Forgetting everyone’s name

You know their name. You’ve known their name for the last year at least. Your kids are the same age and you’ve socialised with them more times than you can count. But when it comes to introducing them… ‘And, this is, er, er…’ Bang! The shutter comes down. What the HELL is their name?! Where has it gone? BLANK. It’s dumb. It’s annoying and it’s utterly humiliating. But it happens to us all.

Get too involved

Click! Right, I need a green brick with 4 studs on it… Sifts through the pile of lego. Click! Good, hmmm. Now a red baseplate for the bottom of the truck. Crawls around on the floor. Peers under sofa. Aha! Here it is! Click! And then you realise. There is silence. You are ALONE in the room, the children have scarpered and you’re doing Lego by yourself.

Object confusion

As a mum, you’ll stop being able to get normal everyday items to work. You’ll repeatedly tap your credit card on the Oyster card reader at the Tube station and wonder why the gates won’t open. You try and unlock the front door with the car keys, the car with the house keys, and spend ages hunting for the phone you’re actually talking on.

You call your partner ‘Daddy’

Your child started calling Daddy ‘John’, so to stop them, you call him ‘Daddy’, too. And now, it doesn’t matter where you are, or whether you have the kids with you or not, you still call him ‘Daddy’.

Speed eating

Remember the days of enjoying every mouthful? Cutting your food up properly, slowly chewing it and never having indigestion? We’re constantly interrupted, so if we get the chance to eat anything at all, we shovel it down as fast as humanly possible. And it’s a habit we can’t quite drop when the rare occasion arises that we’re out for lunch with a friend. Just watch us demolish that bowl of pasta in 30 seconds flat.

What silly things do you keep doing since you’ve become a mum? Share them with us in the comments area below!

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