So, you’re in that place where you want to start a family. Now, it’s time to get him on side
First off, try not to think of this as an argument you need to win. With such a big decision, you both need to be ready otherwise trying to convince him will become a battle. And result in heartbreak for you both.
That said, there is a way of, shall we say, broaching the subject so it’s out in the open but not such a touchy subject that you never mention it again.
Be conscious of his life stage
We all go through different life stages. For men, this tends to start with adventure in their twenties – a focus on work, travel and relationships – before moving into a mindset where they want to build something – a certain career, their own home or even a family.
‘Think about where your partner is,’ says relationship coach Claire Brummel. ‘Is he on a certain career path? Still keen to travel? Understanding this will help you prepare for the “baby chat”.’
Gauge his mood
Do you already know how he feels about children?
Perhaps he’s brilliant with his niece and nephews, or maybe he blanches when his mates bring their kids round.
Consider this – it may help you decide whether the time’s right or how you want to move forward in the relationship.
Have a relaxed chat
Think it’s time to bring up the subject? Keep things relaxed.
‘Make dinner and have some quality time,’ says Claire. ‘Starting a chat about something important like this when he has one eye on Wednesday night football is unlikely to go the way you want.’
Be open when you talk
Instead of opening with the classic “We need to talk” (who doesn’t get nervous hearing that?), try something like “In an ideal world, I’d quite like having a baby to be the next step we take together,” and then ask him what he thinks and how he sees your next move as a couple.
‘Try to be open and keep your reaction measured, so he doesn’t feel pressured and the chat can be honest,’ says Claire.
Set a time for the next chat
If he agrees, great. But, if he’d rather wait a while, agree on a time for your next chat about it.
‘Reassure him that you’re happy to give him space to think, but that sorting a time to catch up about how you’re feeling in a few months’ time will help you relax because you know it won’t be forgotten about,’ says Claire.
What to do if he freaks out
If he’s panicked when you’ve raised the subject, reassure him that you don’t want to put pressure on him but thought it was best to bring it up rather than leave it unsaid.
Give him some time to calm down and then ask him to be honest with you about where he stands.
Perhaps he just needs a bit more time.