You’ve finally got your baby’s sleep routine sorted (hurrah!) – but now she’s started waking up and crying for no reason at all. And hates being left alone, too. It’s all very confusing.
It could be possible that your little one is suffering from separation anxiety, which is a completely normal development milestone – and shows just how amazing the bond between you and your baby is.
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What is separation anxiety?
It seems to happen overnight. One day your baby is gurgling happily away, not noticing or caring if you’re in the room. The next, she’s crying inconsolably if you so much as step out of her sight. Welcome to separation anxiety, an important, but agonising stage that nearly all babies go through and can start as early as five or six months old. Separation anxiety can also affect toddlers too so it's normal for this stage to last for some time.
‘If you can’t even go to the loo without your baby getting upset, you can end up feeling both overwhelmed and suffocated,’ says child psychologist and midwife Ann Herreboudt. ‘From your baby’s point of view, this is how she starts developing independence and learns she is separate from you and can be safe without you.’
When does it most commonly occur?
Separation anxiety usually strikes between the ages of 6 and 12 months. You may have left your baby alone and with others before, but at this stage she is starting to worry when or if, you will return. This will normally all be gone by the time your child is about 2.5 years at the latest.
Separation anxiety most commonly occurs at night as the fear of being left alone and expected to fall asleep effects most children (and even some adults). According to the experts at Calm Clinic, parents should do their best to not respond to their child if they are crying in the night for no reason.
"It can be hard, but you do not want the child to think or feel that crying will always get you. You also don't want to increase the attachment too much. Attachment is a good thing, but too much attachment can lead to trouble being alone.
"If you don't know if something is wrong (meaning they could have hurt themselves, etc.) then go in and check on them but do not make a fuss. Act like you're checking on a lamp or a door lock. You get in, you check, you kiss on the head, and then you get out. You stay as calm as possible and avoid bringing further stress to the situation."
Does my baby have separation anxiety?
Here are the key signs to look out for…
1) Your baby’s sleep is interrupted
It’s really common for a baby with separation anxiety to wake more than usual during the night and cry out for you – even if she was sleeping through until now. ‘This huge developmental change that occurs from roughly from nine to 18 months means that everything changes for babies and they need reassurance, especially at night,’ says sleep expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith
. Your baby may also struggle to fall sleep, despite sticking to her usual bath and bedtime routine.
‘Understand that as exhausting as it is, separation anxiety is a good sign, it's a sign of great parenting to date'
4) Your baby gets upset when left alone
Popped to the loo and your baby started screaming? Signs of separation anxiety don’t appear solely at night – something you may have picked up on. ‘Baby’s with separation anxiety are often unhappy to be alone during the day, even if only for a minute or two,’ says Sarah. ‘Don't try to force independence. It won’t help your baby if you leave them alone for any length of time at this age.’
You may notice that your tot isn’t just upset when you’re not around but will demand to be held more and generally be a lot clingier.
Read more: How to help your toddler manage their emotions
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