If the words “sleep training” get you rolling your eyes and shaking your head, you’d be in the company of thousands of parents who find it easier to just rock the baby to sleep in their arms every night–and many times throughout–instead of adding another thing to their vast parental to-do list.
However, the benefits of sleep training far outweigh the cons and, contrary to popular belief, it’s nothing to be worried about. The great thing is that there are many different sleep training methods that you can choose from to suit your parenting style, and we look at 5 of them below.
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Sleep training has a bad rap with some considering it an unkind way to treat a baby. Sleep training doesn’t mean plonking a baby in a bed and leaving it there till the next morning.
In fact, most experts advise against letting a baby cry for more than 15 minutes, and none of the sleep methods we review below condone this.
There are many other ways to get your baby to sleep through the night. Sleep training doesn’t have to be synonymous with crying, it’s not cruel, and it will immensely help both you and your baby.
Just like we teach our children to eat, drink, walk, and talk–all necessary parts of the daily life of a human, so must we teach them to be able to sleep.
Sleep is an important part of life. Even as adults, if our nightly sleep is disturbed and we have trouble falling back to sleep, it could make us tired, grumpy, and disturbed during the day too.
A healthy sleep programme is something that will serve a child well in their everyday lives as they grow, too.
Sleep training might take a little while to get the hang of, and requires time, patience, and effort, but it will be worth it in the long run.
- Gets a baby used to, and enjoying, sleeping on their own
- Teaches them independence
- Teaches children to fall asleep again on their own after waking during the night
- Gives parents a break and a much-needed full night’s sleep
- It might take a while to do and can cause some frustration in both baby and parents in the beginning
- Parents may feel guilty for leaving the child alone even if it’s only for a few minutes
The most important thing in relation to sleep is routine. Babies and children thrive on routine and the familiar, so if there is a particular place or certain music or toy they have in order to sleep, this should be with them every night.
This way, if they wake up in the middle of the night, they are in their sleep environment and surrounded by their familiar sleep stuff which will help them fall back to sleep alone.
For instance, if they are used to being fed or rocked to sleep, it’s only logical that if they wake up in the middle of the night, they’ll need to be fed and rocked to sleep again.
However, if they associate their bedroom with sleep, and they need their special teddy bear and/or music for going to sleep, if they wake up in the night, they’ll just need to grab their teddy bear in order to send themselves off to sleep again.
(If they cry for their familiar bedtime lullaby, this musical sheep senses when the child is fussing and awake and the music starts up again on its own, or you can opt for a baby monitor which will let you know when your child is awake and enable you to remotely start the music).
Of course, there are other reasons your baby might be crying in the night.
If they are crying more than usual, they could have a soiled nappy, their teeth might be playing up, or they might just need you a little extra that night.
As with any method of parenting, trust your instincts and you won’t go far wrong.
- During the day, make sure they’ve had enough exercise so they’ll be adequately tuckered out come bedtime.
- Don’t let them be riled up just before bed. Just like most adults, a child can’t go from full activity and exercise to immediate sleep. Slow things down around an hour before it’s time for bed.
- Shortly before bedtime, make sure they know that bedtime is coming, perhaps give them a bath, brush their teeth, or read them a book–whatever works for you. Have a set bedtime routine every night to get their little bodies and brains in sleep mode.
- Make sure they sleep in the same place every night. Their bedroom should be their safe haven, and being in their crib indication that it’s sleep time.
- Have a set bedtime and try to stick to it every night.
- Keep the same familiar surroundings that will trigger pleasant bedtime thoughts, i.e. their hanging toys or mobile, their dummy, and/or their bedtime lullaby music, nature sounds, or sleep lights.
- Sleep training is advised for babies over 4 months old, although you can take some steps before this, i.e. try not to rock them to sleep, don’t get them used to sleeping in your arms; put them down to sleep.
Here are 5 of the best tried-and-tested sleep training methods that you could try to get your baby sleeping through the night (in order of least to most tears).
1) Sleep training no-cry - the fading method
For sleep training without controlled crying, the fading method (a.k.a. gradual retreat), just means doing what you’ve been doing till now, and gradually minimising the contact that you have with your baby at bedtime.
For instance, if you usually put them down to sleep after they’ve gone to sleep, with the fading-it-out method (FIO) you’ll put them down just before they fall asleep.
If they wake up and cry, pick them up again. If you rock them to sleep, gradually try to stop doing this. If they cry when you stop, rock them a little bit again, but keep trying to minimize this.
If your child falls asleep on the boob, try to replace this with a dummy, or get your partner to take the baby to bed instead so they stop associating breast time with bedtime. It’s a very gradual process but can be done.
2) Minimal contact soothing sleep training method
This is also known as the pick-up/put-down method and is another gentler way to sleep train.
This works with the parent staying with the baby till they fall asleep, but trying to minimise the contact, for instance, not having the baby in your arms.
Put them down into bed, pat them, shush them, and try to back away. If they cry, you can pat and shush again. If this doesn’t work, you can pick them up, and when they are quiet again, put them down.
They need to get used to being put down. The whole point is to only pick the baby up for comfort but put them down for sleep.
Try to keep minimizing the contact. At some point, you’ll stop picking them up, and just pat them, till eventually you can put them down at bedtime and let them sleep on their own.
We like this method, and babies do too. It’s tiring for the parent at first and could take longer than the other methods but it’s guilt-free!
3) The sleep training Ferber method
This method, invented by Dr Richard Ferber, is also known as the sleep training cry-it-out method, or the check-and-console method.
Once you’ve put your baby down in bed with their soothing bedtime music or night lights, you leave the room, and if they protest, you come back in and stroke them and soothe them with words, like “there, there,” or “goodnight baby, go to sleep,” or your words of choice, before leaving again.
If they cry or protest, you go back in, again, stroke and soothe them, preferably not picking them up, and leave again till they fall asleep.
If they continue to cry, you stick to the same routine, adding a minute each time before going back into the room.
This takes a while as this can go on for an hour or more, but no one said sleep training was easy!
The point of the Ferber method is to reassure the baby that you are always there, but it’s bedtime now, so it’s time to sleep.
This method is also known as ‘graduated extinction’, taken from a more extreme version of the Ferber Method, and highly the most controversial, the Extinction Method (or the sleep training Cry it Out (CIO) method).
This was invented by Marc Weissbluth and entails taking your child to bed, saying goodnight, and leaving them there to cry it out until they go to sleep.
Many experts–and parents–highly criticize this method and, since there are many other ways to get a child sleeping through the night on their own, deem it unnecessary.
Having said that, a lot of parents turn to this method as a last resort when they are at their absolute wit’s end, with great results.
If you can stomach it, it is a highly effective and speedy way to get your child to sleep on their own through the night, often within just a few days.
(We haven’t added this method to this list because we believe that with a little patience and persistence, you can get great results with the other 5 methods we’ve selected.)
4) The sleep training chair method
The chair method is a way to let your child know that you are there, but it’s still bedtime.
A milder version of the Ferber method, you prepare your child for bed and put them down using the same routine every night, grab a chair and sit down next to them till they fall asleep.
This method may take longer than other methods because if your child feels you there, they may want your attention, but you’ll have to resist.
If they cry, you can comfort them every few minutes till they settle down.
Try not to make eye contact because it will be hard on both of you if you’re watching the baby cry and not responding. It’s not fun watching a baby cry and not doing anything about it, and the child will be wondering the same thing.
Once you’ve mastered them falling asleep while you’re sitting next to them, the next step is moving the chair further and further away, till you’re out of the room completely.
5) The hybrid sleep training method
Here at Mother&Baby we believe that there is no one size fits all. Some babies respond to dummies, while others may not.
Some may like being swaddled, some may not. There is no right and wrong way, and each parent must choose what is right for them and their baby.
There are no specific hybrid sleep training method rules. It’s about going with your instincts. With this hybrid method, you choose what is good for you.
Maybe you’ll choose the soothe and comfort method for 20 minutes, and then move onto the chair method for another 20, before going on to the Ferber method.
Remember that children go through phases and even a great sleeper may have sleep regression so you may have to go through sleep training all over again at certain times.
If you want to make changes to their bedtime routine, make them gradually and ease the baby into it. With whatever works for you, the key is consistency.
Here is a selection of the best sleep training method books that are available to help you get your child sleeping through the night.
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