Mother and Baby

What You Say As A Parent (And What You Really Mean)

When it comes to parenting, there’s definitely a difference between what you say, and what is really going on. Don’t worry, we won’t tell…
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1. ‘We're having a little trouble with potty-training’

Translation: ‘My toddler is using the potty but then flings the contents round the room, before putting it on his head like a hat.’
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2. ‘My toddler is learning about boundaries’

Translation: ‘The other day she lay on the floor of ASDA and had such a long tantrum that she scream-shuffled all the way to the frozen food aisle.’
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3. ‘Of course, my partner John always chips in with babycare’

Translation: ‘We play rock, paper, scissors to decide who has to do the next poo nappy.’
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4. ‘My baby has started sleeping through the night already’

Translation: ‘He slept through for two weeks. Then he started teething and we’re back to square one…’
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5. ‘I really embrace my toddler’s artistic creativity’

Translation: ‘Anyone know how to get crayon off white emulsion?’
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6. ‘My son is very playful with his new baby brother’

Translation: ‘We’ve had to hide away the toy wooden hammer from his tool kit because he keeps trying to “test his reflexes”.’
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7. ‘You should bring Molly over for a playdate!’

Translation: ‘I’m desperate to have a conversation with someone who doesn’t wear nappies or only eat squashed banana. Will you be my friend?’
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8. ‘I fit in a workout around the work/nursery/school run’

Translation: ‘I work up a sweat pushing the buggy round town, lifting my baby 30 times a day and reaching up to the top shelf to grab the Hobnobs I’ve hidden from myself.’
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9. ‘I love my job but miss being with the children, too’

Translation: ‘When I’m at home I want to be at work, when I’m at work I want to be at home. It ultimately boils down to being able to wear Crocs and tracksuit bottoms without being judged at home, and avoiding somebody demanding I wipe their bum when at work.’
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10. ‘My mother-in-law and I are much closer now’

Translation: ‘She may think she has all the answers for looking after my kids, I’m just keeping her sweet so she’ll babysit when the hubby and I go on that mini-break we’ve been planning for months.’
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11. ‘Josh is a great eater – he loves vegetables.’

Translation: ‘He eats all his food if it’s liberally smothered in tomato ketchup and thankfully hasn’t cottoned onto the pureed peas and carrots hidden in his pasta sauce.’
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12. ‘I make sure my daughter only watches educational shows on television.’

Translation: ‘CBeebies is a lifesaver when I need to get some vacuuming done.’
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13. ‘If Olivia is having a meltdown, I always manage to talk her round.’

Translation: ‘There is nothing that a bag of chocolate buttons won’t solve.’
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14. ‘I would love to have your twins over after nursery, but we’ve got a doctor’s appointment, and the week after that we’re on holiday.’

Translation: ‘I'm avoiding you because your children always run riot in my house during playdates and I can’t face the clear-up.’
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15. ‘Yep, our post-baby sex life is pretty much back to normal.’

Translation: ‘We’ve had sex once and decided it’s all too exhausting on top of 2am feeds and nappy changes. We’d both rather have morning cuddles in bed with the baby.’

Any of these ring true? Let us know in the comment box below.

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