Things You Can Blame On Your Kids (Without Feeling Guilty)
As much as we love our kids sometimes they can provide the perfect ‘get out of jail’ card, from the reason for our tragic dress sense to that broken vase we haven’t quite been able to own up to…
Samuel Lovett
The Mess:
The state of your house is appalling 24/7. Bits of lego litter the floor whilst plastic doll arms hide in every nook and cranny – and you’ve long forgotten the true colour of the carpet. If only they’d clean up after themselves…(pah, like that’d ever happen.)
Food:
You feel like you’re living off fish-fingers and steamed vegetables, but you can’t face slaving at the stove for any longer than you have to – so you’ve come to terms with eating like a toddler. On the plus side, at least steamed vegetables are healthier than Chinese take-aways and microwaveable meals…
Looks:
A combination of sleepless nights and days spent chasing your children has left you feeling like a shadow of your former self. In an attempt to rejuvenate yourself, you spend every moment away from the kids napping.
Bad dress sense:
Long gone are the days of the LBD. More often than not , you look as if you’ve been dragged through a bush backwards. From baggy, stain-covered trakkies to Frozen-themed fancy dress, your fabulous fashion sense is not what it was. But not to worry. Thanks to your kids, your avant-garde style is well and truly pushing the boundaries of the fashion world…
Sex life:
Your sex life has been sapped of all the excitement, mystery and fun that marked your pre-baby years. Instead of getting jiggy, you’d now rather sit back with a cup of peppermint tea to a Coronation Street omnibus. Oh, how we long for the days when we had energy.
Your mood:
Ever found yourself in a situation where everything and everyone is grating on your very delicate nerves? From the man on the tube’s incessant coughing to someone else’s crying baby (ironic, right?), you’re on a constant knife’s edge. But at least you've got an excuse to do some therapeutic shopping.
Funny Smells:
This is a classic. Let’s just be honest, we’re all inclined to a bit of wind now and then; everyone does it, no matter hard they deny it. But with kids around, why take the blame? Just pin it on them. They’ll never know…*cue evil laugh*
