The Mess:
The state of your house is appalling 24/7. Bits of lego litter the floor whilst plastic doll arms hide in every nook and cranny – and you’ve long forgotten the true colour of the carpet. If only they’d clean up after themselves…(pah, like that’d ever happen.)
Food:
You feel like you’re living off fish-fingers and steamed vegetables, but you can’t face slaving at the stove for any longer than you have to – so you’ve come to terms with eating like a toddler. On the plus side, at least steamed vegetables are healthier than Chinese take-aways and microwaveable meals…
Looks:
A combination of sleepless nights and days spent chasing your children has left you feeling like a shadow of your former self. In an attempt to rejuvenate yourself, you spend every moment away from the kids napping.
Bad dress sense:
Long gone are the days of the LBD. More often than not , you look as if you’ve been dragged through a bush backwards. From baggy, stain-covered trakkies to Frozen-themed fancy dress, your fabulous fashion sense is not what it was. But not to worry. Thanks to your kids, your avant-garde style is well and truly pushing the boundaries of the fashion world…
Sex life:
Your sex life has been sapped of all the excitement, mystery and fun that marked your pre-baby years. Instead of getting jiggy, you’d now rather sit back with a cup of peppermint tea to a Coronation Street omnibus. Oh, how we long for the days when we had energy.
Your mood:
Ever found yourself in a situation where everything and everyone is grating on your very delicate nerves? From the man on the tube’s incessant coughing to someone else’s crying baby (ironic, right?), you’re on a constant knife’s edge. But at least you've got an excuse to do some therapeutic shopping.
Funny Smells:
This is a classic. Let’s just be honest, we’re all inclined to a bit of wind now and then; everyone does it, no matter hard they deny it. But with kids around, why take the blame? Just pin it on them. They’ll never know…*cue evil laugh*
