Remember those days when you’d be up and at ‘em in five minutes flat, carefree and happy as a lark? GONE. Now you’re looking at a two-hour prep time, minimum. Get baby ready, pack changing bag, look for extra nappies, clean up baby after baby throws up, get baby ready again, look for wet wipes, look for phone, drag comb through your hair, clean up baby after baby needs a nappy change…oh, let’s just stay home today.
1) Leaving the house is suddenly a military operation
3) Housework is a distant memory
A place for everything and everything in its place… which is usually on the floor. When it comes to cleaning you’re going to need help
, and lots of it. If budget allows, get a cleaner and ironing service, and if it doesn’t, enlist family and friends because when baby arrives it’s like your house is a snow globe that just got a good shake.
4) You have to be a grown-up now
There’s nothing like childbirth for making you feel like a fully-fledged adult. And that means sorting out sensible stuff such as wills and life insurance
. Squaring all that away means you’ll stop torturing yourself with those irrational ‘what will happen to baby if I fall down a well…?’ questions.
5) Every single item of clothing in the house will be covered in sick
Even the ones in your wardrobe that you haven’t worn for two years. It’s one of the great unsolved mysteries of motherhood: how did THAT stain
get THERE? Babies are stealth weapons when it comes to vomit. Luckily, you’ll be happy to wear your sticky, icky patches like a badge of honour.
7) You'll make friends wherever you go
Becoming a parent is like getting a VIP pass to every cool club in town… as long as it’s the park or Tumble Tots. One of the best side-effects of motherhood is that it’s easy to make new mama friends
when you can bond over leaky nipples, teething troubles
and sleep training.
9) Your idea of me-time is three minutes alone in the loo
Oh, the days of spa visits and salon appointments, long lunches with the girls and candlelit baths with the latest Marian Keyes. When you’re a new parent, what you laughably call me-time
shrinks to tiny treats and blissful rewards, like shovelling chocolate digestives in your mouth while standing up in the kitchen so as not to disturb naptime.
11) Worrying will become your new hobby
You’ll start checking the nutritional value
of every food in the supermarket. You’ll be ‘safety first’ about everything. You’ll want to look after your health so you’ll be around for as long as possible for your family. You’ll even get serious about savings
(after all, baby’s going off to university one day, right?)