Mother and Baby

The 24 phrases you only start to say once you're a parent

Section: Parenting

Yes, you promised yourself you’d never say certain things before children arrived, but now you’re a mum these phrases just seem to form part of the everyday life of being a parent.

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1) "Why don’t you ask Daddy?"

If you don't know the answer, just send her to your other half. 
The 24 Phrases You Only Start To Say Once You’re A Parent Expand Image The 24 Phrases You Only Start To Say Once You’re A Parent

2) "Sorry, I’m going to be late, I was just heading out the door when I discovered Ben had done an enormous poo." 

Yes, toddler nappy habits can derail the best-laid plans. 
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3) ‘No, it’s your turn to get up.’

And you're keeping count...
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4) "Yes, make it a large glass, please…in fact, leave the bottle."

That post-bath and bedtime glass of wine is the ultimate treat. 
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5) "If I’d been 10 seconds quicker I could have caught the sick in my hands."

Such a futile (and icky) action, but one most of us have attempted to do at some point. 
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6) "Last night was amazing – I got four hours sleep in a row."

Talk about an achievement - this means you'll only need three coffees to keep you going today.
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7) "She’s refusing to wear any other clothes except her Frozen dress and a plastic tiara."

This would be fine if she hadn't decided to go 'muddy puddle jumping' yesterday.
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8) "Sorry, I can’t go out, I’m watching this Bugaboo Donkey on eBay."

Don't get in the way of a mum with a bargain in her sights.
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9) "Let’s just say, we’ll never be invited to that branch of Giraffe again…"

There are tantrums, and then there are 'we'll never be able to go back there' tantrums... 
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10) "I’ve tried everything to get this pureed spinach and carrot stain out of my Reiss top."

You're considering getting a bib for yourself as well as your baby. 
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11) "I actually found a 20p piece in Ella’s poo the other day." 

And they say raising a child drains your wallet... 
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12) "Fine, you can play on the iPad, but only for another half an hour."

Sometimes you just need something to keep your toddler occupied.
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13) "It’s weird how my nine week old stops crying when I play the ‘Selfie’ song."

Whatever works...
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14) "If you don’t stop crying we won't go to Peppa Pig World"

There are times when only a plain old bit of bribery will work.
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15) "Can I have a skinny decaf venti caramel macchiato with an extra shot, please…and a babyccino."

Coffee shops have suddenly become your new favourite place.
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16) "Do you really need a wee-wee? Are you sure?"

Cue frantic search for toilets in town centre/department store/motorway. 
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17) "Why? Because I say so."

Officially the ONLY way to get your pre-schooler to stop asking questions. 
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18) "No Molly! The little boy doesn't want to go down the slide….no….stooopppp!"

It's quite possible you've never run so quickly across the playground in your life. 
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19) "John is in A&E having a piece of LEGO removed from his foot."

How many times have you told your partner to wear shoes? 
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20) "We all squished into our bed – it was the only way we’d get any sleep."

Your toddler is the original space stealer in your bed. 
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21) "Wiiind the bobbin up…"

Your knowledge of kids nursery rhymes is pretty impressive these days. 
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22) "Well, Jamie has already started bottom shuffling, I mean he’s very advanced for his age."

Every little baby milestone is a chance to feel proud. 
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23) "Oh God, sorry, he doesn’t like that brand of hummus."

You're not quite sure how it happened, but your toddler has developed very particular tastes about certain foods.
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24) "Of course we’ll read Room On The Broom… again."

It's only the sixteenth day in a row that your little one has picked this book. Nearly beats the 19-day run for We're Going On A Bear Hunt

Now read:

14 things you don't know about being a parent until you become one

The 14 things a new mum *really* needs

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