The 24 phrases you only start to say once you're a parent
Yes, you promised yourself you’d never say certain things before children arrived, but now you’re a mum these phrases just seem to form part of the everyday life of being a parent.
1) "Why don’t you ask Daddy?"
If you don't know the answer, just send her to your other half. 
2) "Sorry, I’m going to be late, I was just heading out the door when I discovered Ben had done an enormous poo."
Yes, toddler nappy habits can derail the best-laid plans. 
3) ‘No, it’s your turn to get up.’
And you're keeping count... 
4) "Yes, make it a large glass, please…in fact, leave the bottle."
That post-bath and bedtime glass of wine is the ultimate treat. 
5) "If I’d been 10 seconds quicker I could have caught the sick in my hands."
Such a futile (and icky) action, but one most of us have attempted to do at some point. 
6) "Last night was amazing – I got four hours sleep in a row."
Talk about an achievement - this means you'll only need three coffees to keep you going today. 
7) "She’s refusing to wear any other clothes except her Frozen dress and a plastic tiara."
This would be fine if she hadn't decided to go 'muddy puddle jumping' yesterday. 
8) "Sorry, I can’t go out, I’m watching this Bugaboo Donkey on eBay."
Don't get in the way of a mum with a bargain in her sights. 
9) "Let’s just say, we’ll never be invited to that branch of Giraffe again…"
There are tantrums, and then there are 'we'll never be able to go back there' tantrums... 
10) "I’ve tried everything to get this pureed spinach and carrot stain out of my Reiss top."
You're considering getting a bib for yourself as well as your baby. 
11) "I actually found a 20p piece in Ella’s poo the other day."
And they say raising a child drains your wallet... 
12) "Fine, you can play on the iPad, but only for another half an hour."
Sometimes you just need something to keep your toddler occupied. 
13) "It’s weird how my nine week old stops crying when I play the ‘Selfie’ song."
Whatever works... 
14) "If you don’t stop crying we won't go to Peppa Pig World"
There are times when only a plain old bit of bribery will work. 
15) "Can I have a skinny decaf venti caramel macchiato with an extra shot, please…and a babyccino."
Coffee shops have suddenly become your new favourite place. 
16) "Do you really need a wee-wee? Are you sure?"
Cue frantic search for toilets in town centre/department store/motorway. 
17) "Why? Because I say so."
Officially the ONLY way to get your pre-schooler to stop asking questions. 
18) "No Molly! The little boy doesn't want to go down the slide….no….stooopppp!"
It's quite possible you've never run so quickly across the playground in your life. 
19) "John is in A&E having a piece of LEGO removed from his foot."
How many times have you told your partner to wear shoes? 
20) "We all squished into our bed – it was the only way we’d get any sleep."
Your toddler is the original space stealer in your bed. 
22) "Well, Jamie has already started bottom shuffling, I mean he’s very advanced for his age."
Every little baby milestone is a chance to feel proud. 
23) "Oh God, sorry, he doesn’t like that brand of hummus."
You're not quite sure how it happened, but your toddler has developed very particular tastes about certain foods. 
24) "Of course we’ll read Room On The Broom… again."
It's only the sixteenth day in a row that your little one has picked this book. Nearly beats the 19-day run for We're Going On A Bear Hunt. Now read:
14 things you don't know about being a parent until you become one
The 14 things a new mum *really* needs
