Mother and Baby

Avoid Swearing In Front Of Your Kids - With These Swervewords

Section: Relatable
You may think you’ve cleaned up your swearing act since you’ve had kids (or since they’ve been talking anyway). But we’ll still be that moment where you stub your toe, get a parking ticket or just have a day where absolutely everything goes wrong – and almost blurt out your go-to swear word. And of course, your tot will spend the next fortnight repeating it.

So what do you do? Make up alternatives – like this list some creative M&B readers confessed to. And yes, they’re ridiculous and will win you odd looks from people in the supermarket queue when your mutter them – but they’ll stop your little sponge from repeating anything he shouldn’t…


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This classic has been shouted by mums for years. Decades probably. [Corbis]
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Not only is it the dirty diet word du jour, it’s a great stand in for another word that starts with sh… [Corbis]
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Oh flip

For when that other F word’s on the tip of your tongue. [Getty]
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Goodness gracious

This phrase is no longer reserved for sweet old ladies – you can use it with full sincerity if in ear shot of your toddler. [Corbis]
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Oh pants

Another brilliantly childish exclamation that parents can pull off, but may still want to warn little ones off repeating, full-volume in the supermarket. [Corbis]
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Incredibly random but does the job, apparently! [Corbis]
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There’s a reason why so many children use this phrase – because their parents do! Just be warned, anything vaguely toilet related is likely to get your tot giggling.
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We’re not sure this would be the first word most mums would utter in a heated moment… but it works for one of our readers! [Corbis]
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Whoopsie daisy

Does this remind anyone else of Hugh Grant in Notting Hill? [YouTube]
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We tried, but we just can’t explain this one. Anyone? [Corbis]
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Cheese ‘n’ rice

We love the complete randomness of this cover-up ‘swear word’. [Corbis]
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Shut the front door

We love this sarky take on ‘Shut the F up’. [Corbis]
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Maybe this is a word ideal for throwing at your partner in a heated debate? All ready to throw out what you really mean once the kids are asleep in bed.
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Sugar honey iced tea

We all know what this clever phrase really stands for – just watch out that your small person doesn’t catch on! [Corbis]
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We can only assume this is a last minute save from another naughty word. [Corbis]
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Short, sharp and effective, shoot gets your point across with no damage to your child’s vocabulary. [Corbis]
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You probably learnt this one from your own mum. It’s been around forever – and is here to stay. [Corbis]
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A decidedly more gentle take on the F word that wouldn’t be on Blue Peter circa 1983. [Corbis]
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We have to admit, we love this (and may start using it). [Corbis]

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