The obvious signs this is your second child

Your firstborn was greeted like royalty. Your second? Er, not so much. It's not to say you're over it, you've just calmed down. And this is a good thing.

Here are all the surprising signs that this is your second child... how many can you relate to?

Dirt is fine

In fact, dirt is encouraged. It's good for the immune system. You can't believe the haughty, distasteful glances you used to give your friends with multiples as they shoved their kids into biscuit 'n' mud decorated strollers the first time round. What an unrealistic dreamer you were.

You're in no rush for your second to crawl

Far from being intimidated by the show off mum who declares her child a master crawler or walker at a precociously young age, you pity her. Her days of sitting in coffee shops are over.

It's not the end of the world if...

A boob wiggles its way from underneath you modesty cloak to say hello to the world. Blushes be damned. You're just feeding your baby. No one ever died from getting a quick glimpse of a nipple, did they?

You openly share your need for wine...

With anyone who will listen to you (or preferably get a round in), as opposed to the first time when you tried to pretend you were really into kale and mango juice.

You accept that the television...

Is a useful electronic babysitter; your new best friend.

You haven't read a single book...

Telling you what to do second time round, this time you trust your gut. Well, who has time to read a book anymore? You're lucky you find the time to change your knickers on a daily basis.

You are fuelled by biscuits...

Which you also use to bribe your eldest child into silence during baby's nap time. Keeping them both quiet is like spinning plates. Luckily, your older 'plate' has a growing fondness for sugar and white carbs.

You won't be chauffeuring your second to multiple classes and play dates

Your second will just tag along for the ride while you're chauffeuring the first one to classes and play dates. You'll forget to feel guilty cause you're too tired and busy.

A general smooth patch of good sleeping...

Does not lull you into a false of security that you have it sussed. You know there will be long nights in your near future and take it one night at a time.

There's no rush to get to the gym after this second pregnancy

You worried too much about stuff like that the first time. Now, you're all about the snuggles. Love handles, indeed.

You think mothers with only one child have it easy

Two hands, one child... They don't know they're born!

You will expect your firstborn to suddenly turn into an all-round entertainer of Robbie Williams proportions

He must dance, sing, tell jokes, so that you can take a shower. You will also expect your firstborn, at whatever age, to act as your general dogsbody, fetching wet wipes and taking stuff to the bin. You'll kid yourself this will make him feel included but really you're just enjoying the free labour. It's a mum's Downton Abbey.

Competitive mums are laughable rather than threatening

Good luck to them and their child genius. Shakespeare didn't learn Japanese or learn to crochet aged three and he turned out OK.

You feel like a proper family, not just two grown ups with a child

You even feel like you know what you're doing. (Sort of).

Rather than being greeted with excitement...

Weaning is met with the realisation you will once again be attached to your washing machine for four months.

Seeing your two offspring interact will melt your heart more easily than a Bruno Mars song

The instant kinship that unfolds before your eyes is nothing short of magical, even with the occasional slap.

Hand me downs are welcomed without a sniff of doubt or distaste

You know how expensive this kid business gets. Hand 'em over!

The recurring nightmares about...

Accidentally squashing/dropping/poisoning your offspring has diminished to almost zero. Neither are you scared of sunlight, loud bangs or packaged foods anymore.