Styling himself as the ‘World’s Best Father’, photographer Dave Engledow has created memorable pictures of himself and his daughter, Alice Bee, as she grows up. As a first time Dad, he’s put together a hilarious book of photos and diary entries of him feeding, playing, washing and generally running the house with the help of Alice Bee in what can only be described as ‘interesting’ situations. Don’t try them at home (obviously).
To see more of the pictures, pick up a copy of Confessions of The World’s Best Father (Michael Joseph, £10.99).
Alice Bee now seems much more able to look after herself while my wife Jen is out of the house. To honour this newfound independence, I agree to let Alice Bee purchase a small stockpile of age-appropriate fireworks (we agreed to save the bottle rockets and M-80s until her third birthday).
I seem to recall Jen saying something a few weeks back about Alice Bee getting started on ‘solid foods’, and nothing provides a more solid start to the day than a hearty breakfast of steak and eggs. Alice Bee wound up just eating the potatoes, because apparently the World’s Best Mom hasn’t yet taught her how to use a knife and fork.
Since Jen neglected to leave instructions for me on exactly how to bathe a baby, I had to figure it out on my own. I vaguely recalled reading somewhere that babies are unsafe in as little as two inches of water, which obviously ruled out using the bathtub. Luckily, I remembered our washing machine has something called a ‘delicate cycle’, which seemed entirely appropriate for someone with such smooth skin.
I’m sure Jen won’t mind that I raided the joint savings account to pay for some new developmental/educational toys – nothing but the best for our girl. Alice Bee and I spent the entire afternoon together, working on essentials like improving her twitch reflexes, how to avoid the cops during a six-star police chase, and the proper way to mod a shotgun for zombie killing.
My only previous parenting experience comes from seven years as a dog owner to our greyhound called Earl. Since 99% of the techniques we use seem to also work perfectly on Alice Bee, I am always fascinated by the rare example of how a child is actually different from a puppy. Case in point – I’m pretty sure all dogs are afraid of vacuum cleaners. After Jen told me to clean up my mess in the basement, I decided to see if Alice Bee wanted to help, and quickly discovered that she wasn’t the least bit afraid of the noise of the vacuum cleaner. The floor got cleaned and I learned that at 11 months of age my daughter is already more highly evolved than a retired greyhound.
A misplaced stepladder combined with Jen’s insistence that I replace all of the burned-out bulbs in the house today allowed me to finally answer the question ‘How many Engledows does it take to change a lightbulb?’
I’ve always dreamed about making Bananas Foster at home, but have never actually attempted it – mainly because flambéing requires the use of both hands, severely limiting my coffee intake. Although she has never tasted rum before, Alice Bee loves bananas and brown sugar, so I have no doubt she is going to freak out when she tries this.
We made ribs yesterday. And we made ribs the day before that…and the day before that…and the day before that…and the day before that… and the day before that… and the day before that… and the day before that. We’re having some real quality father-daughter bonding – it’s so nice to see that Alice Bee loves barbecue as much as her old man.
We have a new sport! While playing in the crawlspace, Alice Bee discovered an old set of weights, and we are now in our fifth day of training for the clean and jerk.
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