Oh to be treated like a queen for the day! Mother's day is the time to sit back, relax and be appreciated. Right? It's like a day off, correct? Hmm... here's what to realistically expect this Mother's Day.
The Wondrous Lie-In
After breakfast, you'll be allowed a real treat: a lie-in. The downside is they'll probably all be in bed with you. Yeah, cause those extra 10 minutes being kicked in the head are really worth that.
Breakfast In Bed
Your little cherubs will probably bring their beloved, hard working mum breakfast in bed. Sadly, this will probably consist of a grey cup of tea (squirt of washing up liquid optional), an under-boiled boiled egg and limp soldiers. And you'll have to eat and drink it all for fear of offending them and sparking a Gordon Ramsey-esque tantrum.
Although this is officially your one day in the year, you're still on duty. Nappy emergencies, bag packing and time outs don't stop just cause it's your special day.
Taking stock of everything you do while perusing all the Mother's Day cards and gifts will make you appreciate your own mother so much you actually feel a rush of immense love, followed by a tidal wave of guilt. Gosh, you were a horrid teen... And after all she did for you!
You'll discover your offspring is a mini Monet in waiting. That hand-drawn family portrait is unbelievable, the calligraphy with which she wrote 'I love Mummy' simply dazzling. And as for the little flower pot, painted with glitter she made at nursery... I mean... I wonder if your friends' children are showing quite this talent? (You secretly, biasedly doubt it).
Far from treating you like a queen for the day, your other half will spoil you for, ooh, five minutes (as he's pushing the kids towards you with their lovingly collected assortment of cuddly toys, crafts and chocolates) before resuming his usual Sunday activities, i.e. snoozing and playing the fool with the kids. There will be cross words.
You will feel old. Mother's Day used to mean having a roast dinner at your mum’s house while your gran drank too much sherry and your siblings cured their hangovers with a mountain of Yorkshire puddings. Now, you and your partner are doing the cooking. And, more disappointingly, washing up afterwards.
The post-lunch song and dance show your children have prepared for you will bring a tear to your eye and a smile to your face despite being the kind of production that would make Simon Cowell smirk and scowl... And despite the aforementioned mountain of washing up waiting for you.
You'll finish off your day watching saccharine filled, bubble gum television with a glass of wine in your hands and weep inconsolably with the emotion of it all. And the relief that they are all finally bathed and in bed.
You will start planning for wonderful things to happen in three months time, for Father's Day. However, as his big day approaches and time runs out, daddy can expect more of the same (home-made cards and a mug with Best Dad written in it), as opposed to the day's racing at Brands Hatch you have in mind as you close your eyes after your haphazard, tiring, jolly Mother's Day.
You feel lucky. You made these dudes. You're a mum. And today has made you realise that the snot, meltdowns, lack of sleep and horrendous nails are all worth it.