The baby voice
You used to laugh (inwardly) hearing parents do this to placate their toddlers in a restaurant. Now? Those elongated vowels are instinctive – and who cares who hears you doing it?
Poo talk
Bowel movement chat is generally a no-no (backpacking and 18-hour coach trips around India aside) but since your baby arrived, everything from colour to texture to – whisper it – smearing, is fair conversational game. *Mum cheer*
The mouth-wipe-with-licked-tissue move
That one your mum used to do that made you recoil in horror. It’s now your failsafe tactic in the face of chocolate/mud/sticky juice.
Singing in public
Hey, if a rendition of Wheels On The Bus gets you through that packed bus trip to town, so be it.
Your iPod playlist
Putting it on shuffle for the office soundtrack no longer fills you with The Fear. All that Disney has saved many a car journey with your toddler and you’re not ashamed to say it!
A stain on your clothes
Trust you, that spaghetti hoops artwork on your Topshop tee was much worse an hour ago. All hail Vanish.
Smear tests
When you've had doctors and midwives staring at your nether regions working out how best to get your baby out, a quick swipe with a cotton bud is no biggie.
Tampons falling from your bag in the street
You’re just thankful it wasn’t that babygro your little one had the nappy explosion in.
Loud phone conversations
Whatsapp just isn’t quick or efficient enough when you’re negotiating pick-ups and drop-offs with your partner. Say it loud, say it proud… on your mobile in that busy café.
Pharmacy trips
Asking for condoms used to be enough to bring out your stage whisper and red face. But now you have no qualms about going into graphic detail about that toddler rash or constipation to the man behind the counter. Needs must, people.
