Mother and Baby

17 things you swore wouldn’t happen when you had kids (but did!)

Parenthood changes the best of us – and has a habit of making us do things we never thought we would. Even if we said we wouldn’t. From gushy Facebook statuses to shunning the gym for repeats of Peppa Pig - here is everything you swore wouldn't happen, but definitely did!  

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That you wouldn’t post DAILY Facebook statuses about your baby

It’s not your fault if your baby does something amazing every single day, is it? Every one of your FB friends should know just how fab she is.
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That you wouldn’t be one of those mums who didn’t bother to get dressed all day

But really, what’s the point in throwing on an outfit only for it to be vommed on. Sometimes PJs until 7pm is exactly what’s needed.
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That you wouldn’t get rid of your gym membership

Hello? You definitely don’t have the time or energy for a weekly workout anymore. Besides picking up your baby 40 times a day does wonders the bingo wings.
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That you wouldn’t talk about your baby nonstop

Yet somehow you manage to wangle every conversation around to them. Especially on that rare night out with your hubby.
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That you wouldn’t let your toddler sleep in your bed

But when he crawls in bedside you at 4am, you seriously don’t have the energy to put him back in bed for the third time that night.
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That you wouldn’t refer to your partner as daddy in public

It’s happened twice already. Much to your friends’ amusement.
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That you wouldn’t use not having a babysitter as an excuse to get out of a night out

But funnily, it seems to happen almost every Saturday night. The sofa, your PJs and reruns of Absolutely Fabulous is waaaay more appealing than finding something vaguely suitable to wear out.
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That you wouldn't watch Jeremy Kyle on maternity leave

Busted. You do. And on most days, too.
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That you wouldn’t ever leave the house without make-up

But getting your baby washed, dressed and looking all cute, clean and cuddly is way more important than what you look like.
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That you wouldn’t talk about the contents of your baby’s nappy

But you regularly have graphic poo conversations over coffee with your friends. Sometimes they confound human possibilities.
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That you wouldn’t get ratty with the kids just because you've had a bad day

Oops. Guilty.
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That you wouldn’t put your child on the spot like a performing monkey

In your defence, Uncle Bob did wait 15 minutes to see your son roll over on his playmat with only minimal assistance from you.
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That you wouldn’t bribe your toddler with food

If a pack of chocolate raisins keeps him quiet while you’re whizzing around Morrisons then you’re all for it.
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That parenthood wouldn’t affect your job

Between the bouts of flu, flakey nanny and complete and utter exhaustion all you can say is thank god you have an understanding boss.
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That you wouldn’t be one of those plane passengers with a crying baby annoying everyone

How else are you meant to get to the Algarve?! And keeping a baby tear-free on a three-hour flight is practically impossible. You would love to see the other passengers give it a go.
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That you wouldn’t be late because of your child

Does anyone know HOW LONG it takes to get a tiny human ready for lunch out? In between the activities, nappy changing bag, spare change of clothes and snacks, it’s like packing for a weekend away every time you leave the house.

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