Mother and Baby

13 things you’ll *only* recognise if you’ve been to an antenatal class

It’s your ultimate prep for labour, the place to go for all the wisdom and techniques to see you through.

But an antenatal class sure does have its moments – the amazing, the heart-warming and the downright hilarious…

Here's everything you'll recognise if you've been to an antenatal class:

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1) It's like a first day at school

All nervous smiles, scoping the other couples out. Doing the classic internal musings… ‘Oh you’d never put them together’/‘They look fun, let’s sit near them’/‘Why can’t DH carry my bag?’
Image: Corbis
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2) There's question uncertainty

Hands-up looks a bit school-ish, but then who wants to be the first to shout out? Image: Corbis
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3) Breathing can be so funny

Okay, someone in here sounds like Darth Vader with a cold. Don’t. Catch. Anyone’s. Eye. Image: Corbis
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4) Finding your "special place" can be tough

You know, when you're practising breathing exercises and trying to hone in on the personal, positive visualisation that'll help you through labour. Except it's trickier than it should be to get to that deserted beach – and why’s it always Nandos that springs to mind? Image: Corb
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5) Birth videos elicit a universal reaction

Wonder mixed with nervous laughter – and perhaps some leg crossing. Same goes for OBEM. Watching someone having a baby can be a great leveller, really. Image: Channel 4
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6) It's about gauging candid confessions

When your teacher asks if anyone’s ever tried laughing gas because that’s what you’re offered as pain relief. Is it OK to admit to those balloons at Glasto? Image: Corbis
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7) You get some… interesting analogies

Your teacher asks you to imagine her mouth is a cervix while she demonstrates how dilation works. No? Maybe that was just our class. Image: Corbis
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8) It's a real social scene

And you can meet up when the babies are here, too! Get the diaries out for post-class pub trips. Image: Corbis
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9) People compete with witty one-liners

Mainly the men, as you veer from proud good-one-darling face to shut-the-hell-up death stare. Image: Getty
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10) You can't beat the snacks

OK, so it's just biscuits, tea and squash. But it’s the first Jammy Dodger and Bourbon you’ve had in forever, and you who doesn't love Ribena? Image: Corbis
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11) At some point, a plastic or knitted boob appears

And comes out with a baby doll as the breastfeeding expert talks you through what to expect. Flashbacks of Meet The Fockers and the Manary Gland.
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12) A birth ball is your new BFF

You know it’ll be a dream in labour, but all this rolling about and leaning over it is the absolute ONE for your back right now. Image: Corbis
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13) There's a what-are-we-doing epiphany

Suddenly it occurs to you that you're on the floor in strange positions with your partner pretending to rub your lower back in front of a load of strangers. Image: Corbis

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