Mother and Baby

7 Things That Should Never Happen In Labour

Section: Labour & Birth

It's exhausting, it's magical - its also sometimes highly embarrassing. Minimise your torment by following a few basic rules of end-of-pregnancy etiquette

1 Graphic Facebook updates

We want to see the named beautiful bundle, not your lady garden. And we don't need hourly dilation updates either, thanks.

2 Your husband using your gas and air

He sounds ridiculous enough most of the time anyway, without his partaking in your much-needed medication. So, he's nervous? Man up, dad.

3 Confusing the Midwife

If she asks if you need to use the toilet after thinking the piece of chocolate cake that your partner had been trying to feed you (which is now on the floor) is a bottom mishap, on your head be it. 

4 In-law Nudity

You should never have to deal with your husband's family while you're in a hospital gown with your private parts exposed. Backless nighties are not good for family bonding.

5 Missing man

Your husband/partner visiting the toilet for a no 2 just as you're about to give birth. He's feeling the urge to push too, apparently. 

6 Trumpeting your baby's arrival

Fanny farts are to be expected but they really shouldn't be. You will get flashbacks for the rest of your life, especially if you have a dishy doctor.

7 Man stealing food

Okay, he's been up as long as you have, but he's not exactly been working hard. So why is he tucking into the roast dinner meant for you, whilst you're writhing in agony, getting a tougher workout than a spin class.


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