You love him, yes. But how can you tell if he’s the man you want to start a family with?
That warm and fuzzy feeling you get holding your best friend’s baby has turned into undeniable, want-one-of-your-own broodiness. You’re there, in that place – and ready to be a mum.
But, hold on a second. Look at that man on the sofa next to you. Yes, the slightly hungover one with odd socks and tomato ketchup on his trousers. Laughing uncontrollably at a Takeshi’s Castle re-run. Is he really dad material?
Let us help you work out whether you really want to have a baby with your partner…
So, perhaps you joked about how cute your kids would be when you first started dating – but then he completely freaked out when your period was late that one time. Whether you’ve spoken about having children or not, don’t stress yourself out from the start by automatically assuming the worst.
Consider why you’re with him
The key to moving forward is actually looking back, and thinking about why you’re together in the first place.
What is it you love about him? If you still feel the same way, having a child could be the next step together – although this will also help you identify any specific doubts.
Talk about it
The only way to work out if you’re on the same page is talking about why you want a baby.
‘Compare how you visualise your lives as parents, as well as chat about how you were brought up and what you think you’d offer your child together,’ says Christine Northam, counsellor for relationship charity Relate.
Balance your expectations
While it’d be great to be 100% certain, many big decisions come with uncertainties.
So, think about a few key qualities you’d like in the man who brings up a child with you – perhaps stability, patience and, the online dating classic, a GSOH?
‘There’s no such thing as the perfect decision – you just have to consider whether there are more positives in your relationship than negatives,’ says Christine.
If you’re having serious concerns whether he’s the baby daddy you’re looking for – perhaps you argue a lot or don’t communicate well – consider talking to a couples’ therapist.
With any luck it’s something you can work on to start this new chapter together.