Proud MumBoring your colleagues with photos and video clips of your children. Ones with kids will understand – and probably reciprocate – and those without will zone out, using your gloating as white noise while they plan where to go on their next fabulous child-free holiday.
Snack AttackPacking your children off to nursery with ready-made sandwiches from Sainsbury's. You'd love to do it yourself, but it's either buttering bread or spraying on deodorant and you know what your fellow train riders would prefer... and you're going for the majority vote.
Happy HusbandHiring a babysitter at the weekend so you can go out on a date with your husband. He needs attention to, he says/complains regularly.
Ankle BitersFeeling irritated by the cacophony of shrieking only two minutes after being reunited with your offspring. Little people do shrill. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder of it.
Domestic MissSnapping at your partner at weekends. You've taken double shifts of hassle from work and kids all week and had to suck it up. He has to expect a little grief when he slopes off for a game of golf or falls asleep in front of the footy.
Hey, Handsome!Flirting with the office stud – if it's harmless. At home, you're seen as a cleaner, nurse, driver and therapist. It's good for you to feel like an attractive, interesting human on occasion.
Dirty CashSpending money on yourself. The way a working mum should see it, she's earned that treat... twice!
Working LunchTaking a lunch break and enjoying a meal with a colleague or a yoga class, while knowing the nanny will be lucky if she gets to stop for two seconds. She chose her job, you just chose yours more carefully i.e. not working with small maniacs.
Less DIY, More BIYBuying the things you're sure your mother made by hand: Birthday cakes, Easter eggs , Christmas decorations, knitted cardigans. I mean, who has the time these days?
Social ButterflyGoing out straight after work on occasion... All work and no play makes mama very dull woman. 'Me time' (with grown-ups) is a must.
Your Parents Are GrandUsing the grandparents a bit too often. As long as you ask properly, politely and thank them profusely, they're probably happy to help. They love the little ankle biters as much as you do.
Past LivesFantasizing about your old life; the one before you had children and could recover from a tough week in the office with a Sex and The City marathon and a packet of chocolate Hobnobs.
Mrs MopDoing domestic chores on your company's dime. It's just so much easier to book a plumber, order a gift or organise a family lunch without being screamed at or assaulted with fish fingers.
The Grass Is Always GreenerFeeling jealous of the yummy mummies you see during your odd morning off. Yes they do seem to be living the life of Riley, all coffee dates and Boden ensembles and you'll envy the fact they get to spend their days with the loves of their lives. But they hanker after your life, too. They perceive you as dynamic, glamorous and empowered. Be kind. All mums are just doing what they can.
Double (High) Standards
Loving the fact that even though being a mum is the best job you've ever had and your children your most valuable clients, you have still – somehow – managed to keep going just as you did before, being part of a team and the workforce at large. Being you.
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