14 things that will probably happen when you’re potty training

1. You’ll secretly resent your fellow mums’ success stories

According to his mum, Alfie, from over the road, learned to use a potty when she was 17 months… [Corbis]

2. You’ll abandon the potty training method your best friend swears works in three days

...and make it up as you go, instead. [Corbis]

3. You’ll get peed on

As will your carpet. And your bed. And a lot of other porous surfaces in your house. But before long it won’t faze you in the slightest. Is that a good thing? [Corbis]

4. …And pooed on

Which will teach you to abandon your favourite white shirt for the next few months. [Corbis]

5. You’ll choreograph a brilliant dance routine
…

And call it the ‘Potty Party’. For your tot’s eyes only, obvs. [Corbis]

6. You’ll spend more time in the bathroom than ever before

It can take time to perfect the art of a pee or poo – leaving you to patiently wait, while smiling encouragingly. [Corbis]

7. You’ll be genuinely excited by your toddler’s bowel movements

‘Brilliant! What a good poo!’ is a phrase you probably never thought you’d say, right? Now it’s one you can only hope to use. [Corbis]

8. You’ll find poo in all kinds of places

In plant pots, in her car seat – basically in anything that remotely resembles a potty. [Corbis]

9. You’ll have a new embarrassing story to tell

Whether your tot presents you with a poo in hand when you’ve got friends over for coffee or she goes in the paddling pool at a playdate, get ready for some hilarious/cringe toilet episodes. [Corbis]

10. Your tot will congratulate you on going to the loo

She’ll have heard it so much that your toddler will soon be the one saying, ‘Good poo, Mummy.’ Just pray it isn’t after you both sit back down in a restaurant after a quick mid-meal loo break. [Corbis]

11. You’ll use bribery

Chocolate, toys, cash – you’ll try any method in your power to tempt your tot to do her business. [Corbis]

12. You’ll spend half the day loading the washing machine

…and working that anti-bacterial spray. [Corbis]

13. You’ll feel bad if it’s not happening…

Have you put her off somehow? Is it too late? Is it your fault? Er, no, no and no. Let go of that guilt, you’re doing your best… [Corbis]

14. But he’ll get there eventually

And when you look back (and smile), potty training will feel like a distant dream. Now where are those clean trousers..? [Corbis]